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WHO SAYS SINGLE HAS TO MEAN SAD? ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR LIFE ON HOLD WHILE WAITING FOR YOUR "BASHERT?" DOES YOUR PRESENT SINGLE STATUS SEND SHUDDERS DOWN YOUR SPINE? ARE YOU WAITING FOR MARRIAGE TO LIVE A FULFILLED, ACCOMPLISHED HAPPY LIFE? DOES THE EXPRESSION "SINGLE AND HAPPY" SOUND LIKE AN OXYMORON TO YOU?
Single or not, this is your life, for now.....your only life. It isn't just a waiting room for your real life to begin. Many singles wait until they are in a permanent relationship to live the kind of life they would like and to do the things they love to do. Sadly, they focus on the fact that they are single and consequently experience unhappiness, dissatisfaction and a yearning for more meaning in their lives. A lot of singles believe, either openly or secretly, that they cannot be happy until they are married.
To paraphrase a popular quote: Happiness is not what happens to us; it is how we respond to what happens to us. You have the ability within you to choose happiness for yourself; you can decide to make yourself happy.
There are many elements that lead to happiness, regardless of one's marital status. Consider the following:
DISCOVER SELF-FULFILLMENT AS AN INDIVIDUAL -
In regard to marriage and other life goals, try to stay away from the concept of "getting there." Life is much more about the journey. If you allow yourself to be hyper-focused on the ultimate goal, you will miss out on life's wonderment along the way.
DO NOT PUT OFF IMPORTANT LIFE DECISIONS WHILE WAITING FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE -
Whether you've considered going back to school, going on a cruise, buying a condo…… whatever……do it. You may have to downscale the goal, but there is no reason why you shouldn't invest in yourself. There is no better time than now.
STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO REINFORCE THE BELIEF THAT SINGLES CANNOT BE HAPPY -
There will always be people in your life who lift you up and those who drag you down. Some people can actually seem toxic to the quality of your life. Unhappiness breeds unhappiness. Seek out individuals who are cheerful, upbeat, and positive. Stay away from those who reinforce a sense of doom and despair.
BE AWARE OF THE BLESSINGS IN YOUR LIFE -
Single or not, everyone has gifts in their lives that they may be unaware of or just take for granted. Take some time to make a list of all of the things that you have been blessed with. Don't ignore the greater value of the intangibles.
GET INVOLVED IN SELFLESS SERVICES AND CHARITES -
Doing for others is one of the greatest ways to achieve a sense of fulfillment and joy. It can also serve as a wake up call to remind us of our many blessings.
NEVERTHELESS, PAMPER YOURSELF -
Though it's great to do for others, it’s important to do nice things for yourself... perhaps things that you have been putting off. Make it a habit to set the table for your dinner (for one). Use nice china and candles. Put care into how you decorate your home. Make it a place you want to come home to, not just a pad you view as a temporary stopover until your real home comes along.
STAY IN TOUCH WITH FRIENDS -
Don't isolate. Stay in touch with old friends, married friends, friends you enjoy being with, friends who make you feel good about yourself. Single or married, we all need to feel connected.
TRY MAKING A LONG LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY -
Remember back to years gone by, before life felt so complicated. Reconnect with former simple joys. Was it painting, rollerblading, bike riding, long walks? Make sure to do at least some of them regularly. Find out what helps to you relax and unwind.
MAKE PLANS, NOT EXCUSES -
Set limits on work and other functional tasks. We often use work as our excuse for not attending to our other needs and desires. Create a nice balance in your life.
The list goes on. The important thing to remember is that this thing we call life is not just a dress rehearsal. The surest way to have a happy life is to build a life full of meaning and satisfaction. As we experience happiness and spread it around, we create an aura within ourselves that is compelling, attractive and ultimately quite appealing to potential soul mates.
Feedback, questions and topic requests are welcome. We can be reached via e-mail at: malka.esther@SawYouAtSinai.com
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